A Year in Review: 2023
It’s always interesting to look back and read what I wrote at the turn of a new year. I always go into it with a vague recollection of what my theme was moving into a new year, but there is always something in there that surprises me. It seems I completely forgot all about the resolutions I set at the beginning of 2023, but we’ll come back to those.
I started 2023 as a retail manager, unsure of my purpose and future, and still feeling like a part of me had never quite returned. I was definitely doing better re: my depression but something was still missing and I was starting to wonder if I would ever feel like my old self again. Well, as they say, “a lot can happen in a year” and I put that saying to the test. I ended 2023 as a music teacher, as a full-time counselling masters student, performing at the Four Seasons Centre and feeling the full spectrum of love, excitement, joy and everything in between. I feel like me again, and that feels so good. It’s been a long, scary, and sometimes really heavy journey, but I kept going. I am so grateful to the people who held my hand as I tried to navigate the darkness.
My theme for 2023 was to stand up for myself and what I deserve. I have communicated my needs and shown up for others as best I could and I let that be enough. It turns out the person that struggled the most with treating me well was myself. I haven’t talked a lot about this on my blog, because I know that I have a lot of unlearning and unpacking to do that comes with it, but in case there is someone else out there feeling the same thing, I will (very briefly) share:
(TW: Weight gain/weight loss)
Something people don’t talk about enough is the things you lose on your healing journey. There is great joy and love that comes with healing but there is also a lot of loss and change. My new cocktail of medications has created the perfect mix for me to do the things I love again and find my purpose and my joy in life. It also came with (what feels like) a lot of weight gain. I have seen my body change so much in such a short amount of time despite being healthier (both physically and mentally) than I’ve been in a long time. It’s scary to look at yourself in the mirror or in photos and not recognize yourself, to put on clothes that used to make you feel so good that now feel so awful and to be constantly at war with a little voice in your head constantly judging and insulting you. I have been working hard to unlearn the rigid thinking instilled in me by a society that believed in the false equation of “attractive = skinny” and to love this new version of myself. But I’ll admit that I am struggling with it and it is a process - I am not perfect but I am trying to extend the compassion and acceptance I have for others, to myself as well.
In terms of resolutions, last year I set out to take the first steps towards publishing my writing and to read at least five books. Well I didn’t do either of those things! But I did take my first steps towards a career as a counsellor and I read a lot of textbooks! And I think both those things should count for something!
This year? The theme is to conserve my energy for the places and the people that matter most. Especially now that I’m starting to get my “normal” energy levels back, I have a tendency to get overexcited and then overcommit myself. I take on too much or I give to much of myself without saving enough for myself. So this year is going to be all about keeping tabs on that and giving myself permission to rest. I sometimes need to remember that not everything has to be 100%, 100% of the time.
My resolutions for this year will hopefully fit nicely into that theme and I think this what I’m going with:
Do at least one 30 days of yoga challenge (I’m trying to tick this one off right away by starting it this month)
Read five books (I liked this goal and it feels realistic - I finally feel like I’m over my reading rut and have already got 2 lined up to read this month)
At least one blog post a month (I’d love to get back to weekly, but I know once school starts that might not be realistic. Once a month should be doable if I make time for it)
What was the theme for you this year? What are you bringing with you into the new year and what are you leaving behind? I would love to hear from you so please share in the comments below and let’s start the new year off right! And now I will leave you with a photo gallery of my 2023 highlights!
