Thoughts Vs. Feelings Writing Activity
When I get worked up and in my own head and overwhelmed with emotions, sometimes I get carried away with thoughts instead of the actual feeling that’s taking place within my body. I was on the phone with my therapist the other day and I said “I guess I just feel like they don’t care about me.” and she quickly pointed out to me that that was a thought not a feeling. And we the more we talked the more I realized the feeling was “I feel lonely” or “I feel disappointed”.
So why does it matter? Because if you don’t switch over to the feelings, you focus in on that thought, and you start to believe it. It starts as this quiet little whisper that can become so loud it becomes your truth, even thought it’s not.
Today has been a tough day. It’s been a tough week with a lot of emotions. And I found myself overwhelmed and in tears because my thoughts were getting a little loud and I felt like I could turn them off. So I sat down and I started writing. Writing helps me take what’s inside and put it somewhere else so I thought I’d share a little writing activity that I did - it’s no unique and I’m sure there professional versions of it somewhere. I approached it as thought I was doing my creative writing and just let it free flow. The words flowed, the thoughts flowed, the tears flowed….
But notice how vastly different my thoughts are vs. my actual feelings.
These are Feelings Not Thoughts
These are Thoughts Not Feelings
I feel lonely.
I feel grief.
I feel guilty.
I feel disappointment.
I feel let down.
I feel confusion.
I feel scared.
I feel unappreciated.
I feel tired.
I feel selfish.
I feel sadness
They are leaving me behind.
They are moving on, and I am no longer important.
I am asking too much of them,
And they don’t have time for me.
My friendship is not important.
They don’t enjoy spending time with me.
They don’t care about what’s happening
Or how I’m doing.
I don’t have any other real friendships.
I am secondary in their lives.
They do not care about my feelings,
Or letting me down.
I care more than them.
I want more than they do.
They wouldn’t miss me if I was gone,
I am not an important person in their lives.
Notice how different the thought is compared to the actual feeling? It helps me to calm down from the spirals of lies in my head and focus in on real feelings. It’s okay to have feelings. It doesn’t make them any easier to have, but thinking to myself “I feel disappointed” feels a lot safer than “They wouldn’t miss me if I was gone” doesn’t it? How human to feel those things. Look at what a wide range of emotion you can feel and how quickly feelings can change. It might not solve everything but it’s something to do to refocus those thoughts when they get a little scary. You can adapt the activity to something else too. Do you draw or paint? Maybe draw the thought and then draw the feeling that’s behind it. How are they different? Do you play music? Play the thought, then play the feeling? Remember it’s okay to have all those feelings, it makes you human.
I hope this helps!
-B