Day 19 - Driving “Home” For Christmas (And Crying to Taylor Swift Albums)
Today was a strange day. So let’s start at the beginning. I was off of work, and I wanted to just spend the day relaxing but knowing my work schedule and all my early mornings coming up, I also knew it would make the most sense to use today to get myself packed up and head to my parents’ for the holidays. I was planning to go a couple days before Christmas but with the pandemic heading in the direction that it is, I felt like I needed to be settled some place should anything new be announced this week. I knew that would be easiest but let me tell you…I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I was awake but I was still so exhausted and I didn’t have much in me to even think about tackling the cleaning and tidying I would need to accomplish. I stayed in bed for a while trying to give myself some grace and allow myself that time. I told myself if I took this time now I might have the energy for the other stuff later. So I made some Christmas tea and I stayed tucked up with my Switch and I watched two cheesy Rom Com Christmas movies and Navi stayed close by and honestly? It was so nice and cozy and I definitely needed that kind of a start to my day. I forgot to take a picture but I ordered Rice Dogs for a weird 3pm dinner (my eating schedule is all out of wack because of the hours I work) and finally I somehow managed to get myself up to start cleaning.
I’m not sure what hit me but I started to feel that familiar overwhelm and stress. It’s sort of this panicky feeling of there just being too much happening but not totally being able to put your finger on what’s causing it. I really did start having some meltdowns. I don’t know what I was going through but I decided to lean into it so cut to me washing dishes and folding my laundry balling my eyes out with Adele and Taylor Swift blasting from my speakers. My neighbors were probably wondering who broke my heart so bad. Well I just have a lot of feelings okay?
So anyway, I decided if that’s the kind of day I’m having I might as well watch a movie that’s gonna make me cry even more so I watched Me Before You. I honestly steer clear of movies that I think will make me cry. I used to love a good tear-jerker. Walk to Remember? Sign me up! P.S. I love You - that was a favourite. But lately I need movies to escape what I’m feeling in real life so I avoid them. This was a great movie don’t get me wrong. And honestly I did feel better after I forced the tears out of me while wrapping Christmas presents. Honestly what a scene. But gifts got wrapped and we made it happen.
Then I had a movie night with the boys - we were originally going to get together for Christmas but we all were feeling really hesitant about it because of …yep you guessed it! The Pandemic! So we decided to go digital and watched Arthur Christmas and it was nice to see them even if only through a screen.
I started feeling a little better during the movie about making my way to my parents place - maybe it was all the COVID talk that had me feeling like I needed to just know where I was going to be and so at 11pm I started packing up my suitcase and bags of gifts and soon Navi and I set off to stay with my parents for the holidays!
I was a little torn going so early. I really value my own space and just the fact that I’ve made it my own. My Christmas Tree, my bedroom….you know? And I was sad to be leaving so early in a way, so I brought a few little pieces of home with me…And yes I am talking about my bedding. I did in fact bring my bedding with me.
So we made it through that roller coaster of a day and let’s see what the rest of the week brings!
Stay safe out there folks and sending you love.
-B