Day 24 - Surviving Christmas Eve
I wish I was ready to burst with all the things that brought me joy today. The reality was that today was filled with lots of anxiety panic, worry and frustration and honestly…I’m just so completely exhausted. I don’t want to dwell on the hard stuff though. It was there and that’s okay but I do want to focus on the good stuff. So here is what was good.
I remembered to post my blog this morning and took a shower and did my hair so it would be curled and easy to deal with on Christmas and boxing day. It was constant today but it was manageable at work and for the most part, people were really lovely and understanding and didn’t give us a hard time about our safety measures. If they did I think I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t have space for it anymore.
I managed to take all my breaks and I was feeling off and tired when I started my shift but by the end I felt a lot better and back to myself again. I came home to dinner ready in the oven and Christmas music and just nice warm cozy vibes. Tonight was pretty mellow and low key but that’s just how I like it I think. When I was little (or at least when I was younger) I remember wishing we lived near our extended family because I wanted our Christmas get togethers to be more eventful and more exciting! I wanted more people and more liveliness. Now I’m happy with our puzzles and snacks and cards games. Even just sitting around the Christmas tree at midnight is something that I have always loved. I have fond memories of us all sitting around admiring our handiwork while my mom sipped Bailey’s and my Dad sipped his Eggnog. It was a nice ending to a hard day and I wish I had more to tell you, but this year is pretty simple. I don’t have much left in me to add or embellish life these days. If I make it through the day in one piece…I count that as a win.
I hope that whether you’re celebrating Christmas or another holiday or just trying to enjoy the season that you were able to find some joy with me along the way. I know there were some hard days there that were particularly challenging for me - perhaps at the very least there was joy in knowing that you aren’t alone in having hard days. “Mental Illness doesn’t take a holiday break”…I read that somewhere. How true! No matter how badly I wanted to just feel like Christmas and be peppy and happy and excited my anxiety had center stage and it was really hard to take that mic away today. I hope that joy finds you - a little each and every day and I hope this has helped spread a little joy and warmth. I think doing this has been a really helpful tool for me to reflect - to get to know myself and my feelings right now. And to practice finding the good in each day. Even good days have bad moments so bad days must have good moments too.
So I guess that’s it! Until next year, and I am wishing you all a happy holiday season and lots of love and care as we navigate the months to come. If you’ve stuck around, thank you for being here. I appreciate you and am so happy to have you. Please share this blog with anyone who could use a little love or who just might like the content in general. Thanks for all the support. You are amazing.
Good night, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
-B