Day 5 - Finding Little Moments
At the end of day 4, I decided I needed some company and stayed with my parents and I think it did me good. I actually got myself up and took a shower on day 5! If you know someone who struggles with depression or you do yourself, you know how daunting a simple task like showering can be. But I did it! Did I style my hair? No. But let’s just take it one step at a time. And while that was joyful in itself because it feels so good to accomplish a hard task, my Dad always knows how to bring a little laughter into my life. Ever since my parents moved into to their place my dad noticed that some of the marbling looked like a reindeer flying in the sky. Well when I was in the shower I noticed a little red addition to that reindeer in the sky! It was such a silly and simple thing but it made me smile right away to think of my Dad taking the time to add that red dot knowing I would get a kick out of it. So not only did I shower…I had a FESTIVE shower!
I wasn’t sure how the day was going to go but I knew it was going to be a two teas kind of day. Luckily my Mom has an endless supply of holiday mugs this time of year so not only did I remember to make my tea…I drank FESTIVE tea. (See? I told you things would get more festive)
The other thing I reflected on was how far I’ve come feeling comfortable and confident in my own skin. I still have some work to do, but two or three years ago I never would have considered going to work or leaving the house without make up on. I didn’t like how I looked and I was afraid of what people would think of the “real” me. But today without a second thought I left the house without anything on my skin and I didn’t care. I still enjoy wearing make-up because it’s fun and it makes me feel confident when I create a look I like, but I’m glad I’ve come as far as I have with not worrying so much and finding my confidence.
On my way home I pass by this restaurant every night and today they were all lit up with holiday lights and Christmas Trees! I have made a mental note that I need to go there more often. It’s always got people there and they worked really hard to keep things going during the pandemic and dining restrictions.
And finally it was time for me to settle in for the evening - I had time to just lie down and relax on my couch - lately it feels like I wake up, go to work and sleep but it was nice to have some extra time. I even made dinner - nothing fancy but I made it and did my dishes. Starting to feel my energy pick up a little bit and starting to heal a little bit from my hurt. I’m taking solace in the fact that I need to trust what’s happening is right and if it’s not it will find a way to right itself when the time comes. It’s not very concrete but it’s all I’ve got right now and anything that brings me a little peace in that helps.
I hope you are all hanging in there, I know this can be a difficult time of year. Let me know how you’re bringing joy to your life this time of year in the comments.
Talk soon,
-B