Day 7 - Sleep All Day and Work All Night

Well friends, it’s almost 3:30am and I’ve trying to sleep for maybe 2 hours now. I’ve tried everything. Counting to 100 and back down, drawing numbers 1 to 100 in my mind, breathing in and out for two counts continuously…my brain won’t shut off. Is it stress and worry that I was successful at diverting throughout the day? Is it the fact that I slept several hours of the day? Maybe both…hard to know. So I figure it’s time to just listen to my body and my brain. Maybe I need to get some of my thoughts out. I did some writing to work through some of the tougher things on my mind, and now maybe this will bide enough time for me to get tired again.

So today I slept in - no alarms is always something that gets me excited. I managed to get myself up and out of bed, I took a shower (I know…again!) and made a tea and did you really expect me to say anything besides playing Dreamlight Valley? I didn’t last too long before my body was ready to shut down again. It’s hard to describe but it just kind of starts to crash. Navi and I are trying to listen to that instinct. I think she loves that we nap together. Is my cat becoming like me or am I becoming like my cat…? Anyway we snuggled up for a little nap which ended up being a few hours of a nap. Every time I woke up I couldn’t bring myself to get up. I wasn’t ready. I’m trying to remember that if I need to spend my days off resting, that’s ok. It probably is also my higher dose of meds kicking in. I remember when I first started them there were a few days where I had the mental energy but my body felt like it was hitting a wall. So I am very thankful for my furry nap companion (napanion?) and for a warm cozy space that feels safe.

And you know what? It worked. When I did finally wake up in the early evening, I had the energy to clean up, do laundry and put some food in the oven. We even decided we had enough energy to put up the Christmas decorations and decorated the tree. (I’m saying “we” as if Navi magically grew opposable thumbs to hang ornaments up with). It was a little hard to accept that I was doing it alone - I’m not going to lie a month ago I didn’t think I’d be alone doing that but I know I am my own good company and Navi and I know how to have a good time. I will not let toxic thoughts take over. I will however play the Hilary Duff Santa Claus Lane Album on vinyl…yes you heard that right. I have it on vinyl. It’s amazing.

So some festivity upgrades, a Christmas bath bomb and Christmas Pj’s fresh from the dryer later, I decided to stream on Twitch while doing some more exploration of this festive update in Dreamlight and I am living for it. I don’t know why it’s exciting to see real life things like Halloween and Christmas simulated in video games - I go nuts for that stuff in the Sims too, always have - but it makes me so giddy.

I had a nice quiet stream and enjoyed my game and drank some tea to help me wind down…which didn’t quite work because here we are.

I even stayed up a little later to fold my laundry - real adult things happening tonight. I guess I was feeling a little more energy and a little more myself so when I get the window I have to go for it and get as much done as I can in that time frame before I lose the momentum.

It was a good day. I made time and space for myself. Sleep may not come tonight but that’s what tea is for right?

Well, good morning! Talk later today!

-B