Creating Your Own Happiness
Illustration by Mia Clow
The weather is warming, and we all have a little more time on our hands. I find that I am needing to remind myself of my New Year’s Resolution: to stop waiting for other people to do what I want. To stop waiting for the perfect moments to make things happen. The moment will never be perfect. I try to create a perfect scene in my head and make it come true and I end up missing out on things that make me happy. So, today’s post is all about taking control of your own happiness.
I must admit, this thought isn’t fully formed yet. I’ve been having a hard time thinking of what I wanted to blog about these days. I think this one is fitting now, and always. I figure we’ll just start and see where we end up. I guess the question is…how do we create our own happiness? I don’t think I quite know how to answer that on a larger scale. I don’t feel like I’ve achieved it yet. I can remember a time in my life when I knew I had some troubles but if someone asked me if I was ultimately happy with my life, I would say yes. Now I don’t think I would. I’m still working out how to get there and what that would mean. I figure the best place to start is to fill my life with happy moments. Maybe the secret is to make lots of happy fleeting moments and find out what all those moments have in common and let that drive your direction in life.
When it comes to happy moments, I need to stop waiting for other people to create them. One of my perfect date ideas has been to go to a museum. It makes me happy to be there and to share my enthusiasm with someone I care about. When I was actually dating someone though, I kept putting it off because I wanted it to be perfect, and I was afraid it wouldn’t be if I went with that person. So, we never went, and to this day I still haven’t gone on a date to the museum. In the summertime especially I start thinking about all the fun things I want to do, whether it’s going outside and lying in the sunshine or going on a picnic. I used to constantly find myself waiting for someone to do those things with me, and often being disappointed. It wasn’t the priority of other people (which is okay - they have their own priorities), and I seemed to spend my whole summer waiting to do the things I wanted. Finally, it dawned on me late last year that all that disappointment was contributing to my lack of fulfillment. I was not only missing out on fun things, but also feeling lonely. I was boxing myself in. So, I finally decided to start giving myself permission to do the things I wanted.
I remember one summer day it was gorgeous and sunny, and I thought, “How nice would it be if me and my friend just got to spend the day outside in the sunshine?” I painted a beautiful picture in my head, but I had no idea if my friend would be able to do it, considering I didn’t even have the idea until that moment. My first instinct was to wait around until she was awake and see if she wanted to join me, but then I remembered my resolution – don’t wait around for other people to create your happiness. So, I decided to change that picture. I was going to enjoy the sunshine myself here and now while I was free and it would be awesome to have company, but it would still be awesome if I did it myself. It’s a good thing too, because she ended up not being able to join me. Can you imagine if I had waited around all morning to ask her and then I would have missed out – and knowing me, been sad that the scene in my head wouldn’t play out as I imagined. I was doing it to myself and then wondering why I was so unhappy. While it means a lot when other people care about our happiness, it’s not their responsibility. It’s our own. I guess the moral of the story is – do those little things that make you feel warm and fuzzy. As long as it’s safe, don’t wait for others to give you permission. If you want to paint, go paint! If you want to plant flowers in your garden, go do it. If you want to have a photoshoot, be your own photographer. Be smart, and be safe, but give yourself permission to have fun alone. Two is company, but now is good time to get to know how just one can be good company too.
It might not be much in terms of the road to over-all happiness, but it’s a pretty good start. What do you think? How do you take action and create your own happiness?
Stay open, stay positive.
-B