You Are Not An Imposter

Illustration by Mia Clow

Another 2020/2021 buzzword has been “imposter” and I’m not talking bloody murders on a spaceship while your friends are all innocently trying to complete tasks. I’m talking the “I don’t deserve this” and the “I’m not good enough” voice in your head that is spreading little lies about yourself. That’s right. We’re doing it. Today we are talking about Imposter Syndrome.

So let me be clear about something before I dive in - please keep in mind that I am no expert and this is an “unofficial” therapeutic resource. My ideas and suggestions are based on my own experiences, my own research, what I hear from those around me, and what I have learned through my own journey involving therapy, counselling and some education in psychology in general. Are we still cool? Great. Let’s do this.

I don’t have imposter syndrome. I can see little hints of it here and there in myself, especially when it comes to perfectionism, but for the most part I think I’ve managed to side-step this. So I’ve had to do a little digging to understand it better in order to try to come up with some ideas of how to manage it. Imposter Syndrome is apparently not a diagnosable disorder in the DSM, but rather something that may stem from anxiety and depression - and I do know a little something about that!

So let’s break it down. There are different categories of Imposter Syndrome, all revolving around this feeling of not deserving success, or worry about others realizing you are not as good at something as they think you are. It’s this idea that you have to do everything and anything and you have to do it right otherwise you are undeserving of your success. It sounds to me like the self-critic has been given the mic and it refuses to let anyone else speak. So no matter what you do, you’re listening to their commentary on it all. Here’s something to remember - while the self-critic has from time-to-time offered us some good advice, they’re also a bit of an attention hog. So once they get the spotlight, they start rambling about anything that will keep you looking even if it’s not true. They just don’t want to sit back down. They start making up stories and narratives because it makes you stop and watch the show - the self-critic doesn’t care if those narratives are true. It’s like the class clown except less funny.

I bet the key to minimizing that imposter syndrome, is trying to take that mic and spotlight away from the self-critic and give it to someone else for a change like your logic. But how? Well, the first step is to recognize it. When you feel anxious about something - a project, a meeting, a deadline, a promotion…ask yourself why? Why am I worried or anxious about this? There is almost always a fear attached to that worry. I recently went through a 4-step interview process for a job and I was anxious for almost every single step. I had to keep asking myself, “What is the fear about tomorrow’s interview?” It really makes you narrow it down. If I answer that question with “What if they ask me questions I don’t know the answer to?” then at least I know what we’re working with. Perhaps some of your fears have been similar - “What if I can’t do the job?” “What if I’m not good enough?” “What if I show them my work and they hate it?”

Now you know what the fear is, now you can talk yourself through the logic. I’m a writer. I like to write things down to prove to myself that my fears don’t make sense because, let’s be honest, when it comes to anxiety they usually don’t. So I write down all the reasons that disprove those fears. I answer my fear with a question sometimes too, saying “When have you ever not known what to say in an interview?” And I realize that fear has no basis to it. If your worry is “What if I’m not good enough.” write down all the positive things people have said about you, and even the positive things you have said about yourself. Write down projects and goals you have accomplished. Write down your training and education and your skills. Put down on paper evidence that you are in fact, good enough. In a competitive world like this, if they didn’t think you were good enough, trust that they wouldn’t have hired you, or brought you in on whatever it is you’re worried about. You weren’t magically making things happen before this. You worked hard to get things done. And they saw that. And that’s because you are good at it.

That might take some practice. I know it’s not easy. But you gotta break down that wall that comes up once you hear your self-critic. It’s too loud and you need to be in control of when they speak. Not the other way around. I read somewhere that you should have a fan-base ready. Have friends that you know will help you break that spiral of criticism. When you feel that imposter syndrome kicking in, call, text, or message someone who you know will be ready to remind you of all the great things you can do! And trust them. They aren’t just making these things up. They’ve seen them first hand from you! You have done great things, and even if they weren’t perfect, you are learning and growing every step of the way. That’s what people are going to remember and why you are where you are.

So no. You are not an imposter. You are talented and skilled and hard-working. And wanting to do well is a great thing, but there comes a point when the self-critic needs to sit down and hand the mic over to your pride, logic, confidence, joy and excitement. They all deserve the mic too. Trust that you are in control of your life. Fate didn’t magically put you in the position you are in. You worked hard to get there! Trust that you got yourself where you are because you did the work to get there. You are loved and you are respected.

I am so proud of you.

Keep up the good work my friends!

Don’t forget to write down your own little pep talk and re-read it whenever you feel that critic getting a little too comfy on stage.

I hope this helps.

Love,

B