A Year in Review: 2020 (Yikes!)
What a weight the number “2020” carries with it now. How little we knew going into this year of what it would really be like. Would we have been able to prepare for that? I’m not sure…But you are here reading this which means, guess what? You survived. You made it. Through all those challenges and hard days and days when you just wanted it to all be over…you stuck it out. And you are still here. Wow. That’s amazing. I am so proud of you!
Last year I reflected on where I was at and I was feeling so good! I was proud of how far I’d come as a woman, as an adult, and as someone with anxiety. I worked hard through a lot of challenges but really tried to strive for my own happiness. And I was definitely feeling that when midnight 2020 hit.
And this year? Where to begin. This year brought me back to some hard feelings that I haven’t felt in a while. I went back to some dark places, and found some new crevices to hide in while holding my sorrow. Through all of that, 3 themes emerged. Boundaries, Empathy and Compassion.
Compassion for myself - I don’t have to be okay all the time. I’m allowed to be sad. I’m allowed to miss a cat that died 3 years ago. I’m allowed to be hurt when a man doesn’t message me back. I'm allowed to feel lonely. It’s all okay. My therapist would say “How human of you to feel that way”. How normal it is to carry those emotions.
Empathy for others - A time when we are all hurting, and it takes some practice to feel our own pain, but understand the pain of others too. My suffering doesn’t diminish your suffering or vice versa. Being there for someone isn’t trying to solve their problem, it’s being willing to open yourself to what they’re feeling and listen. And sometimes, that’s really hard. Especially when you are dealing with a lot yourself.
Boundaries - this one is really the buzz word if you ask me. I worked really hard on drawing physical, mental and emotional boundaries. I learned how to feel for others without taking it on and letting it take over my mind. I learned how to tell strangers what I was and wasn’t okay with, whether they liked it or not. It’s scary and it’s not easy. But I did it. I worked 8 hours a day setting boundaries to people who didn’t want to respect them, and I learned how to heal and tend to myself afterwards.
It was a year of loving myself and letting myself feel good. Trying not to listen to self-critics that roam rent free in my mind. Seeing friends for who and what they are and allowing myself to accept them - this is just what it is right now. Being surprised by the people that do show up and feeling grateful for the friendship in whatever capacity it’s in - even on zoom. It was a year of knowing when to stand still and knowing when to run through the trees smelling every rose I felt safe picking up! Knowing when to seek change, and when to rest. It was a lot of resting. It wasn’t the most productive on paper, but in my heart and in my soul, I know I have grown. I bet you have too.
So while I am glad this year is over, I know that the flip doesn’t switch at midnight - there will still be challenges to face that aren’t going to go away right away, but let’s focus on the glimmer of hope. Let’s smile and dream of parties and dinners and hugs and know that we made it this far. We can make it a little longer.
Be safe - really. Use this as a fresh start if maybe you haven’t been making the right decisions and if you have, keep on going, just a little longer my friend. You can all do this.
With much love and compassion and gratefulness for all your support,
-B
In true blog fashion, here is the annual photo gallery of the year. Happy New Year everyone!
