Apologies

Photography by Andrew Obtinalla

Sometimes,
I want to apologize to the world
For who I am.
For how I am.
 
I want to say,
“I’m sorry that I need you so much.”
“I’m sorry that I am lonely in a room of kind hearts.”
“I’m sorry that I get sad without warning.”
“I’m sorry that I don’t like changed plans.”
“I’m sorry I can’t answer your questions with a straight answer.”
“And I’m sorry I can’t fall asleep next to you in dead silence.”
“I’m sorry for needing you to love me a little more obviously some days.”
 
I want to say sorry,
Because I feel like a burden –
               Like a problem.
Am I so wrong to need love and want to see it?
To feel it?
Am I so wrong for needing space?
 
No.
I am allowed to be all that I am.
I will not apologize for who I am.
(Even if I want to)
 
So maybe I want to say sorry
But I will not.
I will hold my head high and ask for help,
Even if tears stain my face,
And my voice shakes.
I know that the right people will hear my voice,
And they won’t expect an apology.