Day Fourteen and Fifteen: Not My Finest Hour

DAY FOURTEEN

Day fourteen was a nice relaxing morning - I got to sit and read my book and drink tea. I had time to get myself put together and it was a pretty good day at work. I was second guessing my abilities a lot lately when it comes to my job but had some encouraging and re-affirming words from co-workers and also just took the time to be present while working to prove to myself that I wasn't as awful as I had thought I seemed. I was taking time to show kindness and I'm not perfect nor do I expect it, but I also need to be respected and taken seriously and sometimes that means having the hard conversations. And I also got a little gift from a co-worker! A little snowman cookie would put a smile on anyone's face I'm sure but especially mine when it was a complete surprise. I love that I work with thoughtful people who just know that I'm going to need a cookie that day. 

After work I had one last visit with my best friend who I won't get to see until after Christmas and she was headed to the airport and 2am so I stayed up with her whispering in her living room until the early hours of the morning. All seemed well until I got home and realized that the drink I had (yes one drink) was stronger than I could handle because I couldn't close my eyes without the room spinning. Whenever I get like that I launch into full anxiety mode. I start stressing about being hungover, I get mad at myself and start thinking of "should-have's" and next thing you know it's 4am and I'm crying myself to sleep. I think the hardest part of it all is how unintentional it was. I was't meaning to be irresponsible, it was just a bad combination of tiredness, how much I'd eaten, a strong drink and an emotional week. That brings me to day fifteen.

DAY FIFTEEN

The day was pretty much a write-off. Spent trying to empty an already empty stomach or trying to sleep with a mind that refuses to shut off. It was not a good day. It took me a few hours to finally get some sleep when I finally was able to eat something and do something. 

So the positives? I managed to finish my book which was great and I'm excited for a new one. But I might save paper and try out my Dad's e-reader that he gave me. And I took a nice warm bubble bath to soothe my body and mind. And finally I had Christmas with my family - not my actual family. With my boys. I FINALLY got myself up and moving after hours of being bedridden.

It took a bit but after a bit of drama and a mini-meltdown later, I arrived at the photo studio to take our annual Family Christmas photos. I think we were all tired but it was nice to just grab a meal and see each other before the holidays. We went to a 24hr diner and I opted out of the drinking and toasted with a nice cold milkshake instead. 

While today was difficult - I also had to cancel plans on someone which makes me feel so awful - I know tomorrow is a new day and I will be renewed and I will try as I usually do to learn from my mistakes. 

Until tomorrow friends!

​-B