Day 10 - The Inevitable Hard Day

There’s always a couple challenging days for me during this blogmas series. In 2017 it was Day 12, and in 2019 it was…woah. Okay weird. Also Day 12….so I’m a couple days early this year but not far off? Basically, the day started off okay but eventually my mind got clouded with worry, guilt, shame and self-criticism. But like the photo I posted on my instagram today - “Mental Illness doesn’t take a holiday break”. So that’s okay. That’s kind of why I moved in with my parents. So I wouldn’t be alone on the hard days. They are a little harder to handle right now. I am normally pretty open about what’s upsetting me, but I don’t particularly feel like getting into the details in public. So let’s acknowledge the hard day and move along to also acknowledge the good stuff. Both/and, my friends, not either/or.

I woke up and started the day with my Christmas blanket and Zoella Vlogmas. She’s been saying that a lot of people have surprisingly really been enjyoing this year and honestly I think it’s because she’s more relatable to the general population now. Once she basically became a millionaire I stopped finding her videos interesting. I would never be able to build a house like that, or buy gifts like she does for people, or go places she can go on holiday…and that made it less enjoyable. (By the way, I don’t actually know how much she makes). And I mean, good for her, you know? Like it’s awesome that she was able to make that life for herself, I don’t mean to be critical, it’s just that I enjoyed the inspiriation, but now it feel to far-fetched. But now…everyone is stuck at home just like she is, and that feels more on our level. Who knows, maybe I’m totally off. Okay Zoella tangent over.

One of the perks to being home is home-cooked meals like this breakfast crepe and Nutcracker tea that really did taste like Christmas! Even Navi is settling in here and has lots of room to run around and play.

Then I had some down time and fell asleep watching old Zoella - nothing like an afternoon nap. After that I had some make-up lessons to teach and I’ll be honest it was around the nap and lessons that the worries started to sprial so that’s why the photos ended! I got preoccupied! But tomorrow is a new day! I need to believe in myself and trust my gut and maybe do some writing…haha that always helps me process!

Good night!

P.s.

I just re-read 2017 Day 12 and am crying again soo….Heh. Time for bed.