Days 8, 9 and 10 - Coming out on the Other Side
Hi friends, I’m sorry this is so delayed. It’s probably a good thing though because it’s been such a tough last few days that if I did them by themselves it wouldn’t feel very joyful. I know this whole countdown is about taking the good with the bad but it doesn’t feel productive to post mostly about a hard day and that’s it. I wanted to have more to say but then one day turned into two and now into three. But we’re here. We’re doing it.
So let’s start with day 8 - but let’s not linger on it. The truth is I barely got out of bed. The joy, while it didn’t feel very extremely joyful - was that I made myself get out of the house and go for a walk. It was short and sweet but I left the house. Then I got back into bed. Then I ate some soup and when to bed. I’m not exaggerating. That was my day. It was a win that I even left my bed and had it in me to make soup.
Day 9 wasn’t as tough. I had do go to work so I had some distractions and my old boss was visiting (which is actually a good thing!) and so it was nice to get to work together again like old times. This time last year we were locked down and the two of us were talking about life while eating our Uber eats lunch for the week. I miss last year. I went to my parents after for dinner and avoided a 13 hour shift thanks to some wonderful people on my team. My parents have my favourite holiday drink stocked up. I hardly ever drink pop but Cranberry Ginger gets me every year.
Today, day 10, was an intense start. I am struggling at work and I am struggling at home. I had a therapy session today and let’s just say it started with her going “How are you?” and me going “uhhhhhhhhhhm….not good!” and proceeding to cry for the next hour. But it wasn’t unproductive crying. We got somewhere and she convinced me that I needed to take time off after Christmas, and not wait until the end of January to take it off. She’s also trying to convince me to strive for a B- at work and I was pretty clear about how much I hated that idea but I know she’s right. I just need the rest of the company to see that too. My other joy is coming from a game I downloaded called Best Fiends and I literally am addicted. It’s perfect for giving my brain an easy thing to do to unwind and relax. It also helps my subway commute go by faster. I had a little playtime with Navi and took a relaxing bath and I think I’m finally feeling a little bit more myself again. I am going to try to get back into joy. It’s hard to do that when you feel like you were so far on the other end for a while there but I’m moving to the exit and I’m gonna keep heading there until we hit the sunlight again!
-B