“All I’m Asking is For a Little Respect”

I recently announced that I have made the decision to go back to school for my Masters in Counselling Psychology. I am absolutely loving it. It one of my first readings, we learned about something called Respect-Focused Therapy (Slay-Westbrook, 2017). Respect-Focused Therapy (or RFT) is less of a therapeutic model, than it is a foundation to any approach you choose - you can’t find success with any techniques or models if there isn’t a foundation of respect (Slay-Westbrook, 2017). While Slay-Westbrook (2017) speaks about your role and responsibility as a counsellor and how to establish that respect, I wanted to focus on a quote was a real “aha” moment for me. Slay-Westbrook (2017) says, “…human brokenness…has its roots in the experience of profound disrespect in some or many ways.” Think about it. Think back to a time when you felt so full of sadness, or hurt or broken hearted….how were you disrespected?

I bet you were able to think of at least a couple actions or words that made you feel disrespected. It doesn’t mean it was intentional, but the impact was that you in some way didn’t feel respected in some way, shape or form. So why am I talking about it?

Slay-Westbrook (2017) also points out that the roots of the word “respect” come from the Latin word “respicire” which means “to look again”. They further their point by emphasizing that respect is about taking a step back and looking again a what is around you, and considering more than just ourselves (Slay-Westbrook, 2017). When things are hard we get caught up in all the feelings and emotions, and that’s good to be aware of, but in order to work through it, we need to be able to establish respect - even if the conflict we’re experiencing is with ourselves. If you’re like me and you’ve battled depression, you’ll know that sometimes we are guilty of being so disrespectful to our own selves and bodies. Think of the last fight you had with your partner - if you really get to the root of the fight, I bet it stems from one or both of you feeling disrespected in some way.

Understanding that respect seems to be at the root of most of our pain or conflict isn’t going to magically make it go away, but it might make it easier to see the other person’s point of view and come together with a common goal - fostering respect for each other. Respect the feelings and experiences of others (or yourself) and focus on solutions that foster respect as the outcome.

What do you folks think? Did that blow your mind like it did mine when I read it? War, conflict, and human rights issues feel like they could all be solved if we could all just foster a little more respect for each other.

If you feel up to it, what moment came to mind when thinking about not being respected? I’d love to hear your stories too.

Until next time,

-B

Susanne Slay-Westbrook. (2017). Respect-Focused Therapy : Honoring Clients Through the Therapeutic Relationship and Process. Routledge.