Sorting Through Your Stress

Life was stressful before a global pandemic. And now we’re wandering about the house trying to sort through which stress belongs to which trigger. Sometimes it feels like there is so much going on at once it’s hard to know where it’s all coming from. Is it from trying to navigate a world where we’ve been isolated and scared for almost a year now? Is it from the global outcry for our BIPOC communities or from the climate crisis that continues with each face mask strewn along the sidewalks? The answer is…well probably all of the above but they all show up differently and in different ways. You know the stereotypical therapist question “And how did that make you feel….”? Well, it’s a real thing. “Name it to tame it” is what my therapist says. I can’t address an emotion and figure out how to sit with it or work through it if I don’t see it and acknowledge it for what it is. Because often what happens is it feels overwhelming so we avoid it because it doesn’t feel good. But then you sit with it and sit with it and procrastinate and next thing you know, you’re even more stressed about it. Except now you’re stressed because you didn’t do anything about it. So you’re stressed because the planet is dying, but you’re also stressed because you don’t recycle or you buy too much plastic.

So I think the first step to dealing with stress is…well let’s just figure out all things that make you feel stressed. Go ahead. Write them down. I’ve probably already summed up the major ones on your list if you anything like myself or the people around me. Make your big list. Or a small list if you’re having a good day! Then write down one realistic thing that you could do, to combat those stressors. For example I’m stressed because I have to take the subway to work and people don’t always wear their masks or wear them properly. That stresses me out because my health is at risk and it feels out of my control. So what can I control? Okay, I’m going to double mask, I’m going to leave early so that if I feel uncomfortable I can get off and catch the next train without being late for work. This could be as simple as setting up a recurring donation to a charity that is going to support people in your community who need it, or who are fighting for the planet. Or whatever it is you are passionate about. Maybe it’s following a blog or Instagram account that gives you tips on how to be a better ally, or how to care for yourself when you are feeling triggered by the news. Maybe you finally make the move to buy that shampoo bar. It’s a small step, but lots of small steps make big progress.

Giving yourself a specific task to do that addresses the worry and stress, will eliminate that portion of stress surrounding your feelings of not doing anything and feeling kind of helpless. We can’t control everything. But let’s focus on what we can control. At least we’re doing what is within our power.

The other thing that I find necessary is setting boundaries. Yep, I said it. We love that word here. You have to set boundaries for yourself and limit your intake of stressors if it’s starting to take over. If watching the news or scrolling through socials is making you anxious or stressed, give yourself time limits. And give yourself time limits on your stress too. Sometimes allowing yourself 10-30 minutes a day to specifically stress, gets it all out in the open - it’s giving yourself permission to feel all your worries but when those 30 minutes are up? Time to put it away and breathe and move on with your day. Instead of avoiding them and holding them in and letting them jump out uncrontrollably in little spurts, just let them have the floor. Open the floodgates. But not forever. Balance might also be helpful - there’s a lot of hard information to take in on social media, but surround yourself with the good too. I recently followed a few therapy and wellness accounts and sometimes it’s just nice to wake up and see a reminder that my feelings are valid first thing in the morning.

As always, there’s no one perfect answer and different stressors will require different coping strategies but I hope this at least gives you a jumping-off point!

Sending love and ease to wherever you are in this journey.

-B